The Social Cost of Making a Change: How growth can change relationships.
Any transformation in life, positive or negative, will be noticed by the people around you and responded to differently depending on the individual involved. Even when the change you are making is positive, it may cause a negative reaction from those around you, leading you to either question the decision you made or try to conceal what you are trying to do.
The Tall Poppy Syndrome that you can encounter when making a change in your life is something most will face at some point—and from unexpected sources, such as family and friends to partners or spouses. It’s important to evaluate who the person is in your life and where the feelings are coming from before deciding what action to take in response to their adverse reaction to your progress. The majority of these interactions come from the comparison that this person has now been forced to confront between your behaviours and their own.
In the example of taking up a disciplined and consistent exercise and nutritional regime, your actions around exercise and the decisions you make at mealtimes will highlight the decisions they are making—or more accurately, weren’t aware they were making until now—leading to feelings of inadequacy when compared to your more purpose-driven decisions. In other cases, it can be through jealousy or fear, whether this is a partner making underhanded comments about the effort you're putting into your appearance out of fear that you are increasing your sexual market value and may leave them. Or it may be a friend who feels like they will lose contact with you as your interests and hobbies become less aligned.
In the most malicious of cases, it is somebody who wishes to keep you at their level so, at the very least, they will not be alone in their poor habits and stagnation.
It is not for me to tell you which one of these categories the person in question falls into, as you will know them better than I. However, when trying to ascertain the intention behind this person's actions, it's imperative to remain objective and not let affections blind you. Somebody may have been a positive influence in your life at one point, but as you grow, this can change—just as someone who may have had incredibly negative habits and behaviours can go from being a detriment to you to an inspiration after making a change.
The reaction you have to these situations will take quite a lot of care, which—whilst not fair, as this is not your insecurity to bear—may be worthwhile depending on who the person is to you in your life. For example, limiting conversations about your personal development with a colleague is a much more manageable task than doing the same with a partner or parent. In these examples of someone who is more peripheral to you, I would suggest limiting interactions with them as much as possible, or at the very least, avoiding the topic, as these people are unlikely to have your best interests at heart and are merely expressing their own insecurity.
When tackling the issue with close friends or loved ones, it is going to require a fair amount of patience and maturity. If their negative reaction continues, the first step is always to explain why you are doing what you are doing. Expressing to a loved one that you are undertaking this journey in order to better yourself—for the sake of your health, both physical and mental—and to push yourself to be the best version of who you can be, lays the groundwork for whatever happens next. Now they are aware of the intention behind your actions, and if the affection you hold for them is reciprocated, this should, at the very least, make your new lifestyle easier for them to accept.
For some people, this may shift their mindset, and you may start to see them congratulate and even admire your actions. For others, this will make very little difference, and they will persist with their original line of thinking.
For the latter scenario, this is very much a showing of true colours. Moving forward, be careful how much credence you give to this individual's opinions on you and your decisions, as they have, in no uncertain terms, demonstrated that their interests do not serve to benefit you.
In the case that this is somebody whom you care for quite deeply and whose opinion you hold in high regard, regardless of what has transpired, there are a few options to resolve the situation. Getting them involved in what you are doing—whether that be going to the gym, watching the same podcasts, or reading the same books—can give you some common ground on the topic. In the case of the aforementioned jealous friend, this will allow them the opportunity to continue the friendship and even strengthen it as you support each other through your respective journeys.
Whilst this sounds idyllic on paper, this is something I would be careful with and stop as soon as they start to have a negative impact on your adherence or the opinions you hold about your progress.
Be careful when helping a drowning man; he might pull you under in his panic.
Outside of stopping contact with this person entirely, the best you can hope for—if all of the above fails—is to avoid the topics which lead to negative feedback. This person has shown that their values do not align with yours, but they are willing to change yours in order to serve themselves.
Making progress in life is not always met with affection and admiration. It's important that you hold your ground and stay the path, as you don’t want to have the regret of never becoming who you truly wanted to be based on the opinions of others. Managing this will require a lot of patience and tact, but it will allow you to become the best version of yourself—and decide who you should have around you, and whose opinions you should hold in high regard.
Who are the people in your life who encourage your growth?
